Island Dreamin

So it's summertime.  The time of the year when you wanna be lazy and do nothing but watch the cabana boys clean the pool while taking breaks to fan you with a palm branch while feeding you grapes...ahhhhhhhh sounds so good!  As luxurious as that sounds, reality is such that I hold a regular day job and my next vacation is in December.  So.........I'm sitting here trying to figure out what I'd like to do.  Normally vacations exist of me taking time off to do nothing but piddle around the house never really having done anything that resembles a real vacation and then all of a sudden, before I know it, the week is up and I'm driving back to work wondering why I even took the time off in the first place.  I'm actually trying to plan a getaway for this December's vacation, but where?

I've been looking at online websites for all-inclusive island getaways.  That sounds so nice.  Just thinking about being somewhere with no Rt. 301 traffic sounds wonderful.  White sandy beaches, beautiful blue-green waters, sunshine and tanning oils, icy frosty colorful drinks with cute umbrellas and pineapple garnishes just entice me.  It almost makes me forget that I'm actually thinking of being on a beach around other people with nothing but a bathing suit on...of course, they'll never see me again, so really, what does it matter?! 

Have suggestions as to where to go? I'd love to hear from you!  Remember, $ is a factor, so suggesting a week getaway to the Ritz Carlton 5 Star resort would be a pipe dream :)

In the TreeHouse

Always when looking for a sanctuary to call your own, you must consider all things and all people around you.  Thinking about all the outside influences in my life, I see that it comes down to very little...what makes me take a deep breath in and let it out slowly leaving me with nothing but a relaxed smile on my face? 

After over two long years of re-evaluating my own life and examining and re-examining things, it's funny how it comes down to grace.  I never knew what grace looked like 'till I allowed it into my life.  I suppose that grace can look different to different people; the word's definition takes on different meanings considering who's giving it.  For me, grace looks like peace and forgiveness.  There are so many people out there that would just love to keep my past in my present and keep their thumb over me as if to imply that they're so superior and better, that their mistakes have been evident, but none so significant as mine, but retreating to my sanctuary, I found the treehouse to be my place of refuge, my safe-place, my calm.  Even in the middle of the storm, the ride seemed quiet and less bothersome.  


God brings people in your life to lighten the load, to ease the burden, to show you a different perspective, to share with you a corny joke so you can have the laugh you haven't had in so so long.  Our complexities and differentials bring us together and weave us into something so truly unique that, in the end, you wonder if these "turbulent" days weren't supposed to be.  Of course not, but it's so good to know that even through my own stupidity, God can move in my life and rescue what would be a crapped out life and turn it into something I never would have expected...something wonderful despite myself.  

So back to the treehouse...I discovered this accidental sanctuary of greenery, trees everywhere, gravel road and so quiet, this wouldn't be something I would have never picked for me, by way of a good friend.  Never thinking in a million years that this would be where I would find my rest and security, I drove over a hill and found the grass really IS greener on the other side.  Full of trees, butterflies in flight, woodpeckers knocking on nearby trees, goats in the pastures, cows mooing nearby, and horses galore, this is where I landed...me, a Puerto Rican woman from Manhattan, New York City, looking to recover from my own mistakes and trying to fix things in my own strength.  This is where God brought me to let go of it all and let Him fix me...not my life, not people around me, not anything else but fix ME...everything else would be fixed by means of what I call the "trickle effect."  If God changes me, then everything else around me has no choice but to change too.  So here I am sitting here day in and day out.  When the lights were out, there was nothing but darkness and silence.  It was just me in the treehouse sitting alone with nobody but God and my puppy to discuss things with.  Every once and a while, the people in the main house would stop by and talk, but this was my time to silently figure things out as God unwrapped, slowly and deliberately all the things He wanted to bring to light in my life.  Casting a reflective image in front my face, God gently showed me so many things I didn't want to see, but one by one, and in His love and timing, healing took place.  Completely isolated from so many things and people that would distract and hinder my thought process, God chose to literally plop me in the middle of nowhere where I could do nothing but think on Him and let Him love me back on the path meant just for me.  The process is long, actually, the process is continual.  It is, in reality, like peeling off layers and layers of dead skin.  


Now in the comfort of a secluded sanctuary, I find peace and grace all around me.  So much has changed within and without me, yet in the middle of a chaotic time in my life, the peaceful streams in my heart continue to flow.  The treehouse is my welcome place.  Now I go home and sit outside underneath a big tree branch and listen to the neighborhood farm animals in the distance while sipping on a nice hot cup of coffee or a tall glass of iced-java.  


Weekend adventures take me to enjoying neighboring sights and activities like eating crabs, finding the water and enjoying the pier, taking pictures of cows and a calf, and all that treehouse living entails.  If you look carefully, you'll see worker bees in the background, birds with massive wing spans flying overhead, a big dog frolicking in the yard, a small little puppy curled in a ball sleeping on my lap and all is well in my heart and soul and so it is and shall be...it truly is well.

Smell the Colors of Spring

Apparently as you grow older, you realize there are things that you just let go of.  The saying, "use it or lose it" well, lets just say that it's more true than I ever thought.  I'm sitting in my office with the window wide open enjoying a beautiful breeze.  Nothing but spring is in the air and all I think about are dandelions and green grass, azalea bushes and purple johnny jump-ups, the gentle wind that brushes against the top of the tallest trees and how all the deadened shrubbery is now coming back to life from it's sedentary state.  It's magnificent and I'm loving every moment of my work-day "recess" and then........reality hits me.  I'm still finishing school and I'm doing horrible in math.  Seriously?!!  Who needs higher math for a degree in Health Care Administration?  I'm still trying to appeal this, but for right now, lets just say I'm getting nowhere with it pretty fast. 

So I'm back to math reality and realize that it's probably better to hire someone to take this class for me rather than be mad all day every day because I am so challenged it's not funny.  ANY TAKERS?  Okay, so that's just a fleeting thought that I won't really pursue (no matter how much I really want to).  After lots of brick walls hit, I'm taking a break from math.  Defeated somewhat, but not broken, I'm deciding to let it go for now.  Liberating!  Surprisingly, I felt a sense of relief and clarity that just made me feel like that Claratin commercial...all of a sudden everything felt clearer and I could breathe easy! Ahhhhhh ;)

I now have a new-found liberty and freedom that feels so good!  Call it a mini-vacation from school right now and I'm enjoying just working and living without the added component of school.  I went home and enjoyed sitting on the deck with the wind blowing through my hair reading a book on my tablet and Belle wandering beside me.  Everywhere I look there are trees just swaying back and forth, the worker bees chasing each other, and birds with vast wing spans soaring above my head like kites.  No sounds of horns honking, people talking loudly to one another, no cars honking or even the sound of loud motorcycles or car exhausts...just outside sounds of wind and nothing else.  It's one of those times when I wished I had a wind chime just blowing and sending off a "zen-like" sound through the air.  I honestly feel like I'm in another time and another place when I'm sitting there.  It's totally peaceful and I always feel so refreshed and happy after taking a little time to sit out there.  

So I'm going to take this time and enjoy the break from school and soak up the springtime and all the colors.  I'm even going to plant a little herb garden and attach it to my deck so I can walk to the patio and grab whatever herbs I want for cooking which will be an accomplishment because I have a black thumb in the garden but nonetheless, there will be an attempt.  

Through the days of Spring, there will be the scents of freshly cut green grass, visions of daffodils, tulips, pansies, weeping willows bursting forth in greenery the sounds of tractors plowing their fields and the sights of horses walking in the grassy patches, cows grazing in the fields, and goats and sheep grazing within their boundaries.  Nothing but country for a girl removed from the city...and this is oh so nice to me!  Swing open the windows and let the breezes blow throughout the house! Spring is here so soak it up and enjoy it in all it's blossoms!  

Personal Challenges

In everyone, there is a fight.  Around everyone there is a fight.  When I look at things honestly, the fight within and without me is much my doing.  I'm not saying that I'm a victim by any means.  I know that the challenges I've faced in my life are partially because of wrong decisions on my part.  I am not going to begin to blame my present on my past.  We all have pasts, don't we?  Some people are able to rise above it better and some rise in their eyes and fail in their heart.  Guess that's been my way.  Everyone has a decision to make in their life, are you going to fight or are you going to lay down and let whatever happens happen?

There have been a lot of changes in my life, personally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically in the last year and a half.  Through a tragedy of stinking thinking on my part and the worst decisions I've ever made in my entire existence, I've never come out on the other side with a perspective as clear as I now have.  There are so many uncertainties in my life, but the one certainty I DO know is one word...GRACE.

What is grace?  I know that grace is the unmerited favor of God.  Yeah, I know it.  I live in it.  I'm every thankful for it.  Recently, I had been thinking about things in my life.  Once again, I'm at a crossroads and I must make some very important decisions.  I'm not good with change and I'm not patient either, so these decisions and steps I must make are heart-wrenching and just zap me emotionally.  So I've been doing a lot of praying and searching for wisdom.  In the middle of my soul-searching, I received an invitation to a Christian event from someone so far in my past I was blown away.  I struggled with whether or not I should go, but I realized that the struggle meant that I should go...so I did.  It was no mistake that I needed to be there.

I drove to this place that took me about an hour or more from my house.  Not a problem, it just gave me some alone time that I needed.  I got there, parked my car, found a seat and got ready for a Word.  Nothing could have prepared me for that moment in time.  Everything I had been praying for, all the issues I had been struggling with, all the earthly things that my heart was weighed down with and my mind bogged down in were all diminishing.  I was given permission to let it all go and leave it to never return to it again.  Everything I had every wished, everything I had ever pondered, all the "reasons" and all the words and stories and memories and all the crap were all shed that very night never to speak of them again.  It was the most liberating moment of my life.

There are so many people out there that truly believe that we should pick apart and analyze who we are and why we would do the things we do, the reasons behind the reasons behind the reasons...God says drop it, leave it, and never return to it.  Simple as that???  Really?  Yep!  For me, it was just that simple.  So what do you do when you know it's time to let it go and let God be your reason from that point on?  I had to obey.  And what's funny about it is that the moment I decided to let God work in my life completely, "grave diggers" came to resurrect my past and throw it out into the day to eager ears salivating for a juicy story.  People rolled around in my dead bones as alligators would roll in the water after getting their prey.  It was as ugly as my transgressions.  My accuser thought I would crumble and make the same mistakes, but my Word was clear and it gave me the strength to endure and overcome.  GRACE...

Grace to stand.  Grace to stay.  Grace to keep my head up.  Grace to accept the grace being given to me DESPITE the whirling winds of accusations, words, disgraces, and transgressions.  I'm not perfect.  I'm far from that.  I'm forgiven.  I've found favor.  And though I'm undeserving, I walk in His love though I've lost the love of others.  He is my Strength and my Deliverer, and yes, He loves me...oh how He loves me!

So here's my challenge...everyone has a past.  Everyone has made mistakes, done wrong things, hurt others because of these things....why not give it to God and never take it back again?  Don't ever go back, don't ever speak of it again and just move forward.  He forgives as far as the East is from the West...they never intersect!  I challenge you to step away from your past so that God can take you, change you, make you, and love and bless you.  I made a vow to my spiritual mother.  She held me in her arms, looked me square in the face and told me to never go back and I looked at her for the first time in 17 years and said, "never ever will I."  I'm still walking in that Word today...I challenge you to do the same.  I won't go back, can't go back to the way it used to be..."